Moultrie Observer

Opinion

October 24, 2007

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bigfoot

I was going to let the Bigfoot thing alone for awhile. But two programs were on television last night at the same time that gave me more amusement than the comedy channel.

These Bigfoot stories came from Texas, Tennessee, Florida, Oklahoma and the Pacific Northwest. “They’re everywhere! They’re everywhere!”

My biggest laughter comes from the mountains of East Tennessee. This particular Bigfoot is a friendly sort, and one mountain woman claims to have been raised alongside a family of Bigfoots. She described (Channel 77 on my cable) how one came knocking on her door and asked to borrow some garlic. This Bigfoot spoke English. She said she thought the garlic was to help keep away ticks. She said he said “thank you” in a very deep voice. But I’m thinking it might have been the baritone singer for the Oak Ridge Boys, and her natural cures for arthritis were kicking in.

Then she went on to describe how she had watched this family of Bigfoots chase down a deer and butcher it. This commentary had a Bigfoot specialist from Russia on hand to compare notes with her. He re-enacted how the Bigfoot caught and killed the deer. Very fittingly, the Russian’s name was Igor.

Given the vernacular of this account, I’m surprised this Bigfoot didn’t also play the banjo.

This woman said she realized that a lot of people doubted her, especially when she said this Bigfoot spoke English. Of course my wife asked me what would I expect an American Bigfoot to speak ... French?

Well, this mountain woman is right about the doubt. I was cutting her some slack because of the ointments she probably uses, but that ended when she said Bigfoot asked to borrow some garlic. And anyway, I would think it was for cholesterol, not ticks.

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