Moultrie Observer

Opinion

February 27, 2013

On looking for pearls in sardines

MOULTRIE — Television is often referred to as the “Great Wasteland.” And I guess there’s strong evidence for that. But the fact is we have a lot of channels, and it’s a stretch getting stuff on all of them that has socially redeeming value.

And still, we must consider comic relief as being socially redeeming as well, and some programs are good to laugh at.

Last night I scanned the channels and tried to find something useful from whatever program I happened to stop on. Television, even on its worst day, can be a learning experience if we really try.

 For instance, I learned that 3,000 people a year are killed by hippopotamuses in Africa, making it the most deadly animal on that continent. That averages to more than 8 people a day.  I also learned that in Alaska, more people are attacked by moose than by black bears or grizzly bears.

So here are two creatures that most of us probably think of as cartoon characters or bathtub toys that are incredibly lethal.

One piece of footage showed a hippo biting a dugout canoe in half. Another piece of footage showed a moose kicking a state trooper over a fence.

Bullwinkle on the rampage!”

Another piece of footage showed two Alaska troopers trying to put a drunk fat man in a car, and his pants were about to fall off as he struggled against them. The moose was more interesting. It just seemed smarter.

Now here’s a question: If a hippopotamus is not very cool, is it just an opotamus?

I also learned that you should not apply for a logging job in the great Northwest because those guy’s equipment is always failing. Cables are breaking, tracks are coming off their crawlers, and there’s always one guy on the crew who cusses every breath. Ask him what’s the last book he read and he might tell you “To Kill A Damn Mocking Bird.” Actually, in the episode I saw, it might have been about a little train trying to climb a hill ... and the track broke.

 Of course advertisements can also be informative. There’s one where the little boy says he can do two things at once. He can shake his head and wave his hand. I tried it, and I upped him. I can shake my head, wave my hand and jog in place. I’m not sure just why you would do that unless you were trying to hitch a ride, got in a fire ant bed and while you were accepting one ride you were rejecting another. Yea, I know that’s farfetched. But weird stuff does happen. Consider that the Atlanta Falcons were only five yards away from the Super Bowl this year.

 I think some programming is meant to test our knowledge. Take “Justified” for instance. It’s a series about the U.S. Marshal’s Service based in Kentucky. The star of this show is Raylon Givens, a rogue marshal who commits so many procedural violations that Internal Affairs has him on speed dial.

The test question in all of this is what does the U.S. Marshal’s Service actually do? Well, they don’t investigate drug trafficking, serial killings, bank robberies and nor do they enforce environmental regulations as the series would suggest. Instead, they are in charge of protecting federal courthouses, transporting federal prisoners, looking for escaped federal prisoners and managing the Witness Protection Program.

I guess you could make the case that while looking for an escaped prisoner, they caught him after he had just robbed a bank and stopped off to buy some dope. In the process, he fatally shot someone and threw his old car battery in the creek.

With that kind of license, the producers of this show could do a series about  crossing guards who profile contraband-laden vehicles.

Something else I learned, watching the “Great Wasteland” can lead to the “Great Waistband.” Pass the Cheetos!

(Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)

 

1
Text Only
Opinion
  • Rant and Rave for 7/25/14

    July 24, 2014

  • dwain walden.tif Some folks love a good mystery

    Today some fellow is trying to sell me a book or a series of books via the internet. The teaser on my email asks me “Do you know the secret of the eighth day?

    July 23, 2014 1 Photo

  • Rant and Rave for 7/24/14

    July 23, 2014

  • Thoughts on Sabal Trail

    Safety, public input, federal monitoring, jobs, tax revenue, exceed federal safety requirements, reliability, affordable, clean, thorough review, latest proven technologies: These are all good little meta tags and nice-sounding words and phrases Andrea Grover, spokeswoman for the Sabal Trail Transmission project, used in her recent My Word about that company's proposed natural-gas pipeline.

    July 22, 2014 1 Story

  • Rant and Rave for 7/23/14

    July 22, 2014

  • Uplift our form of government; go vote today!

    Today is our election runoff. This is a great opportunity for some serious flag-waving. It’s also a great opportunity to uplift the very fundamentals of our democratic republic — a system where we choose leaders to make decisions for us. And it’s a time when we can honor those who have sacrificed to help secure our system of government.

    July 21, 2014

  • Rant and Rave for 7/22/14

    July 21, 2014

  • dwain walden.tif Remembering those special moments

    Having been in the news business for many years, I have occasionally been asked what was the funniest or strangest story I’ve ever covered. Well, there have been a number of instances along the way that brought some chuckles, otherwise making my day.

    July 19, 2014 1 Photo

  • Rant and Rave for 7/18/14

    July 17, 2014

  • dwain walden.tif Once upon a ‘blood moon’... etc.

    July 16, 2014 1 Photo

Business Marquee
Facebook
AP Video
Raw: Air Algerie Flight 5017 Wreckage Virginia Governor Tours Tornado Aftermath Judge Faces Heat Over Offer to Help Migrant Kids Kerry: No Deal Yet on 7-Day Gaza Truce Kangaroo Goes Missing in Oklahoma More M17 Bodies Return, Sanctions on Russia Grow Gaza Residents Mourn Dead Amid Airstrikes Raw: Deadly Tornado Hits Virginia Campground Ohio State Marching Band Chief Fired After Probe Raw: Big Rig Stuck in Illinois Swamp Cumberbatch Brings 'Penguins' to Comic-Con Raw: Air Algerie Crash Site in Mali Power to Be Restored After Wash. Wildfire Crashed Air Algerie Plane Found in Mali Israel Mulls Ceasefire Amid Gaza Offensive In Case of Fire, Oxygen Masks for Pets Mobile App Gives Tour of Battle of Atlanta Sites
House Ads
Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide
More
weatherradar
Seasonal Content
Poll

Should the U.S. negotiate with groups it considers terrorists?

No. Never.
Generally no, but prisoner exchanges are an exception.
Negotiation will be required to end the conflicts we have with those groups.
     View Results