So, Jacques Chirac, president of France, has uttered a dire warning of nuclear retaliation to “regional powers” or excuse me — has changed the “array of threats” that would trigger a retaliation if his strategic supplies are threatened.

Excuse me for laughing but isn’t that a bit like a poodle barking at a German shepherd over a bone? I mean just exactly how many times has France been conquered or invaded, anyway? I’m sorry but I just don’t think of them as a legitimate threat and somehow I don’t think most “regional powers” do either. The phrase “his bark is worse than his bite” seems to me to be completely apropos.

This ridiculous Gaul has the gall to issue this archaic “Cold War challenge” in an age where world leaders are working to reduce the nuclear threat and discourage countries, that are not there yet, from seeking it as an option.

How passé and inappropriate Monsieur Chirac. Especially at a time when countries like Iran are on the cusp of graduating to the next level and would love any excuse like your poorly timed statement to use as fuel for it nuclear fire.

It smells to me like the last ditch effort of a man who knows his number is coming up soon (election 2007) and is making an attempt to seem pro-active and effective to his people. I mean, he still has that possible prosecution and prison thing hanging over his head for fraud, doesn’t he?. I’m sure that he would rather serve another term as president and put off that nasty business as long as possible. Then again, it could just be senility.

Aside from the reasons that Chirac made such a backwards remark, France sold arms to most of these “regional powers” in the first place so honestly what kind of mixed message is he yapping. I will nuke you if you mess with me but please...sit down...buy some weapons to attack me with. Please, China come, be my friend and have some missiles before you leave. (By the way folks, we’re not so squeaky clean about selling weapons either. It has been reported that we were the number one weapons dealer at one time and probably still are. Ouch!)

So, just for a moment, imagine that France was attacked on the grand scale that the United States was on September 11th. Is he really willing to follow through and face worldwide repercussions or will he be made to look the fool for his empty threat? He has just made an open invitation that surely must be tempting to many organizations (considering France’s reputation for rudeness) and it seems that he has the audacity to believe that he could really follow through on this threat. When a world power — the world power — does not rain down nuclear vengeance on a country after being attacked in such a vicious way, how can he think that he will be allowed to do so? I mean it all crossed our minds that we should just nuke the ones who engineered the attack but we showed logical restraint and did not.

Actually, the reality is he is praying that he will never be put in the embarrassing position of having to tuck his poodle tail between his legs and do what is in his nature to do — ask the United States for help, once again.

(Adelia Ladson is the Homestyle Coordinator and a feature writer for The Moultrie Observer.)

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