Dwain Walden

Some people say honesty is a thing of the past, but every day we hear of people returning lost class rings, lost wallets and lost animals. But honesty comes in all shapes and sizes. And today I ran across a couple of examples of what one might call “blatant honesty.”

Here’s a help-wanted ad that ran in a New York newspaper for a live-in nanny.

“If you cannot multitask, or communicate without being passive aggressive, don’t even bother replying. I can be difficult to work for. I’m loud, pushy, and while I used to think that we paid well, I’m no longer sure.”

Now one might think that this is no way to attract good help. One might think that only an ax-murderer or a former sumo wrestler might apply.

But not so. A 25-year-old University of Virginia graduate took the job. Christina Wynn even signed up for a year’s commitment without meeting the kids, ages 12, 9 and six.

Of course it could be that Christina is a masochist. A masochist is someone who sort of enjoys punishment. An example would be someone willingly watching someone else’s wedding videos. And for me, it would be like watching a State of the Union Address and never going to the refrigerator.

At least this employer is being up front, and the college graduate could turn this whole thing into a Master’s thesis. Or we might read about three kids and mamma gone missing.

Then over in Dallas, the State Fair people are holding a “deep fried” competition. They say in Texas that everything is bigger. Well, they are not holding back on describing calorie counts. It seems that they are being blatantly honest about how many pounds you can gain in one event.

One offering is deep-fried s’mores. Another is fried banana split. Then they go on to deep fried Jelly Bellys and fried chocolate-covered strawberry waffles. Then there is fried cookie dough covered with banana-flavored whipped cream. A winner will be announced this Monday.

Now I like my fried chicken, fried pork chops, fried fish — even fried bologna. But just because there is a skillet, hog lard and a fire handy, doesn’t mean that everything has to go that route. I don’t want any fried banana split. I have had fried desert before, but it was just another helping of pork chops. Someone once asked, “what’s time to a hog?” Likewise, what’s desert?

But at least these folks are being honest by not claiming that any of this stuff is healthy eating. In fact, if they were required to label it, that label might read, “Enjoy this delicacy while you gain 20 pounds and simultaneously listen to your left ventricle closing.”

I haven’t read of any protests to this event. That may be because of the blatant honesty.

But sometimes blatant honesty may be a bit much. I was eating in a restaurant one day when a fly landed on my table. Before I could fan it away, a waitress splattered it with a fly swatter.

I fully realize that she was being very proactive and perhaps incredibly open and honest in her efforts to keep the fly off my food, which she probably thought was a great coup. While her intentions were appreciated, her methodology kind of took away from the moment. It takes a lot to get me to walk away from fried chicken, cream corn, mashed potatoes with gravy and cherry cobbler. And she got pretty darn close.

(Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer, 985-4545. E-mail dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)

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