dwain walden.tif

We’ve all read about the many scams that are floating about.  Some of them couldn’t be any more obvious than a toupee with a chin strap.

But apparently some people are so gullible they will buy palmetto bushes after being told they are miniature palm trees.

For a while I was keeping up with the number of scams that were offered to me each day. But it just got tiresome.

Occasionally I look at them more closely just to see what new twists they put on them. Today I got one that gave me a good laugh.

It comes from someone calling herself Miss Catherine Dede. She doesn’t say which foreign country she is from nor does she state an amount of money that I will receive if I help her. I’m just supposed to contact her through her email, and she will fill me in on the details. She does reveal that she is 25 years old.

Now she starts this thing off by telling me that I probably get a lot of bogus offers over the internet and that she gets them also. And she’s afraid that I will think her situation is just another one of those scams. Go figure!

Her daddy died, of course, and left her as the sole beneficiary of a lot of “gold and funds.” She can only get the assets if she can find someone who is “trustworthy” to assist her in managing this great wealth. And of course she researched me and feels I’m the person. I find that kind of odd since the email is addressed to “undisclosed recipients.”

Even though she has researched me thoroughly, she doesn’t use my name. I’m also willing to bet that she doesn’t know I like souse meat, country music and my favorite slacks are khaki.

 And even though she doesn’t use my name she “wants to know me better to entrust me,” and “I have also seen you as someone I will call Daddy.”

She tells me that she can’t invest her money in her country. Apparently some of it came from the company her late father  worked for, indicating some ill-gotten gains. So now she wants me to become an accomplice in an international crime caper.

Well at this moment I was waiting on a couple of phone calls to be returned so I had a few spare minutes. I decided to yank her chain.

So I responded:

“Hello Cathy dear. So good to hear from you. My condolences in your father’s passing. I don’t mind you calling me Daddy if that will help ease your grief. And I want to assure you that I am trustworthy.

“I will be more than happy to manage your assets for you. Being a retired secret agent and having a broad background in things considered to be international intrigue, I have special skills in handling such issues.

“My recommendation is that you put these funds in a Swiss bank account (I will provide you an account number) and I will take it from there. You see I drop by Switzerland on a regular basis to buy cheese, chocolates and watches.

“I will also have to entrust you not to tell anyone that I am a retired double-naught spy. You must understand that an agent never really leaves “the company.” As well, I still have enemies in several countries. By the way, how did your father pass ... oh never mind, that’s not important.”

“Looking forward to hearing back from you.”

Signed:  “Big Daddy”

No, I don’t really expect to hear back from this person, although I once heard back from such a scammer after I identified myself as a member of the Ludowici Home Guard and threatened a full-scale investigation which would likely involve Homeland Security.

They actually emailed back and said they had contacted me by mistake and to disregard the earlier transmission.  I love to yank chains.

(Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)

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