Have you ever thought about what archaeologists and anthropologists might dig from our ruins 2,000 years from now -- assuming of course the big blue marble has not been blown to bits by some terrorist with too much sand in his shorts?
My friend, The Earl of Stumpworth by the Ochlochnee, and I were discussing the possibilities recently and the first thing on his list was the chassis of a 1957 Chevy. The Earl and I have always felt that the '57 Chevy was the most perfect vehicle that ever rolled off the assembly line -- that it could not be improved upon. We both had fond memories of the '57 Chevy. It was in a candy-apple red one that The Earl first courted his wife, The Earlene. The Earl even suggested that one should have been put in a large time capsule that also should have included a recording of the late Floyd Crammer's "Last Date," which he said was the most perfect song ever written.
Then we both agreed that someone likely would stumble upon a double-knit leisure suit -- those things being non-biodegradable with a shelf life of millenniums. Personally, I have hoped that they have all been destroyed along with Nehru jackets and film footage of people doing the macarena. It is my hope that all of that polyester has been recovered for possible use in space stations or medical research or something.
The Earlene added her projections to the conversation, hoping that a copy of Don Ho's "Tiny Bubbles" would find its way into the distant future. Both The Earl and I stared at her for a moment in silence.
The list kept growing. The Earl, reversing his perspective, said he hoped there would be no record found of The Jerry Springer Show. He said he wanted future generations and particularly potential visitors from other galaxies to conclude that there was intelligent life here before them. Of course that's also assuming that we somehow improve upon what we have now -- that the fruitcake syndrome will not perpetuate itself.
And speaking of fruitcakes, I added that phenomenon to the list. The Earlene questioned my reasoning that someone would happen upon an actual fruitcake from that many years past.
So I told her about one that has been handed down in a Michigan family for the past 125 years. That means someone baked it in 1879 and it was never eaten.
This particular fruitcake is the property of Morgan Ford, 83, of Tecumseh, Mich. It was the original property of his great-grandmother in Berkey, Ohio. The family is not certain who baked the cake but now it's considered a family heirloom. And if the tradition continues, someone is going to look at it very strangely one day on down the road and wonder what happened that no one ever cut the cake. What was going on that holiday? Along with the expression "keeper of the flame," there may be another expression, "keeper of the fruitcake."
I told The Earl and The Earlene that once I heard a theory that there wasn't but one fruitcake in existence and it just got passed around from house to house during the holidays. But we all agreed that this was urban legend because we all had fed fruitcake remnants to the birds several weeks into the new year .
We summed up that afternoon of deep thought that there also might be a discovery of Cher's body parts replacement kit, some of Dick Clark's hair dye and an Al Gore action figure.
Okay, I was just kiddin' about the Al Gore action figure. How about an Arnold Schwarzenegger action figure, groping a Barbie doll?
Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer, 985-4545. E-mail: email@example.com.
This Week's Circulars
MOULTRIE [mdash] Union Morris, 66, of Moultrie, died Friday, April 9, 2021 at Colquitt Regional Medical Center. Arrangements have been entrusted to Baker Funeral Home.
NORMAN PARK [mdash] Antonia Razo Gonzalez, 88, of Norman Park, died Saturday, April 10,2021 at Colquitt Regional Medical Center. Arrangements have been entrusted to Baker Funeral Home.
MOULTRIE [mdash] Barbara Lynn Kennedy, 54, of Moultrie, died Thursday, April 8, 2021 at Colquitt Regional Medical Center. Arrangements have been entrusted to Baker Funeral Home.
NORMAN PARK [mdash] Troy Tyler, 72, of Norman Park, passed away on Thursday, April 8, 2021 at his home. Arrangements have been entrusted to Baker Funeral Home.
MOULTRIE [mdash] Candido Hernandez Gonsales, 60, of Moultrie, died Tuesday, April 6, 2021 at Colquitt Regional Medical Center. Arrangements have been entrusted to Baker Funeral Home.
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